Tall Poppy Society with Merilyn

334. Year Of Fire

• Merilyn Wilson Beretta

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 31:59

What if the timeline you’ve feared was never a delay… but a promise?
Thirty years after blurting out the words, “I won’t come into my own until I’m older,” the spark has landed. Not astrology. Not reinvention. Ignition.

Year of Fire isn’t about burning your life down. It’s about finally lighting the match you’ve been gripping for decades... and refusing to shrink at the exact age society expects you to.

This episode marks the return of the Tall Poppy Society Podcast - a cheeky rebellion against the 'syndrome' of the same name, and a home for self-agency. We don’t cut tall poppies down here. We grow them on purpose.

If it hits, follow. Share it. Let’s light a few more.

Follow me on Instagram: @merilyn
Website: merilyn.com
Join the Tall Poppy Society Club.

Merilyn:

This is a bit of a personal episode, and I've been waiting 30 years for this year, and it's here.

Merilyn:

It's called the Year of Fire, but it's not about burning things down.

Merilyn:

Let's start with the story...

Merilyn:

Thirty years ago, I was sitting with a group of friends, and we were chatting and sharing about our future dreams and definitions of success. Some of the people in the room had ambitions to be singers on stage. I had no such desire, but something came out of my mouth that I hadn't planned to say.

Merilyn:

I said... " I have a feeling that I won't come into my own until I'm older."

Merilyn:

And then I just stopped talking.

Merilyn:

Partly because I also had the age of 60 kind of come through, but I was a little embarrassed to say that. And partly because I didn't feel like I had said it. It just came at through me out of the blue.

Merilyn:

We all kind of laughed and moved on to someone else. And I sat there a little bit unsettled because something about it felt like a fact. Not a wish. Not a hope. Not even a fear. It wasn't a warning. It was like a schedule, like a calendar.

Merilyn:

I filed it away and quite frankly, forgot about it until recently. And then late last year, I saw something that brought it up again. It kind of confirmed it. I came across a mention that 2026 is the year of the horse.

Merilyn:

I'm not Chinese, but I did know I was born in the year of the horse. So I looked it up and I noticed it's what they call a rare year of the fire horse. And it started month, here in February, the beginning of the lunar year. It doesn't run according to our January 1st Gregorian calendar.

Merilyn:

And the last time there was a fire horse year was my birth year.

Merilyn:

Something just landed in me. Oh, it's that time. Not because it was about fire horses specifically, not because of the astrology, but the sense that, wow, this could be it. That thing I felt and heard 30 years ago in that lounge room with my friends.

Merilyn:

The right timing. It's here.

Merilyn:

And confirmed by something I wasn't even looking for.

Merilyn:

So I'm boldly and nervously calling 2026 my Year of Fire.

Merilyn:

And before I tell you what I mean, I want to tell you what I don't mean.

Merilyn:

I don't mean that call that we sometimes hear to burn things d own.

Merilyn:

It's not a decluttering year.

Merilyn:

And I also don't mean destruction or drama or starting over.

Merilyn:

I mean allowing, not forcing, the fire that's always been inside of me to be allowed to move outward. So less bonfire, less bushfire, and more... there's a beautiful candle been sitting on the table unlit for years. And someone, that would be me, finally putting that match to it.

Merilyn:

So I'm claiming to myself, but also publicly, that this is the year I come into my own.

Merilyn:

Of course, that doesn't negate any of the wonderful things I've done and experienced up until today. But it means I'm open and allowing for whatever "coming into my own means" and allowing it to just unfold, to manifest this year.

Merilyn:

And the Year of Fire is the perfect name for it.

Merilyn:

Want to take part? Want to join me? And as exciting as that sounds, I know my logical mind is screaming, " Merilyn, that's preposterous, isn't it?"

Merilyn:

Not just the threat of embarrassment of, well, "what if I was wrong"?

Merilyn:

But culturally preposterous.

Merilyn:

Because everything around me, the conversations, the messaging, the quiet assumptions, they're all whispering that by now the most interesting part of my life is or should be behind me.

Merilyn:

I'm very aware that some of the people I went to school with are talking about retiring.

Merilyn:

That 60 is when you start to wind down, not ignite.

Merilyn:

And I'm standing here stating, that I believe the most significant, most impactful, most alive years of my life are the ones coming next. Okay, a little confession. Wouldn't it have been great? Incredible. Probably be a little unbelievable. If I'd said something like: "and the last 30 years have been a series of faithful highs where, despite knowing there was a timeline with a promise, I've been truly soaring."

Merilyn:

Um no, I've not been living with that kind of faith. Despite that promise 30 years ago.

Merilyn:

And despite the magical revelation of this year being a 60-year occurrence of the fire horse year that screams, "Merilyn, how cool is this?", I've been putting off this episode. Because I knew that I would be sharing that for a lot of my life I've believed that NOT coming into my own was for me.

Merilyn:

I've been extremely good at helping others - many others - come into their flavour of success. But my own dreams, somehow that wasn't for me.

Merilyn:

And yeah, I'm very, very aware of the self-fulfilling prophecy effect. Energetics comes before matter. And so there's that philosophical question of how much of this is just timing of life, and how much did I create it? Let me go into a little more uncomfortable territory.

Merilyn:

For most of my life, I believed that containment - and containment of that fire - was something that happened TO me.

Merilyn:

And there was plenty of evidence.

Merilyn:

People asked me to turn down my volume. Environments didn't quite fit.

Merilyn:

Feedback that told me I was too much.

Merilyn:

My ex-husband used to pretend that there was a volume dial next to my ear. He'd reach over and turn it down whilst I was sharing something with him. Also, early on in our marriage, he sent me to a doctor to get my hearing checked. I'm not just shocked that he did that. I'm more shocked that I allowed it.

Merilyn:

A friend's husband once told me, in a period of wondering why I was still single, that men would probably find me intimidating. I'd always thought of myself as shy, so that one kind of landed a bit strange.

Merilyn:

As a child, my dad would constantly say, "Stop being bossy". Because of course, at home, I was more of myself and what he thought of as bossy.

Merilyn:

And speaking of bosses, a boss of mine, more than once, when I was in his favour would say, "Oh, it's good to see you're over yourself now". He would describe me as a "bull at a gate".

Merilyn:

I was probably just being my enthusiastic self!

Merilyn:

But whether all those things were justified or not justified, we don't hear men being described that way - being told to slow down, being told to stop being bossy. It's just not the kind of feedback that men get.

Merilyn:

And this is the part that undid me when I finally saw it: none of these people, these men, were enemies. They didn't wake up thinking, "how do I manage Merilyn today?" or "How do I make her feel small today?".

Merilyn:

It wasn't any conspiracy. It was just the water we're all swimming in.

Merilyn:

A collective societal muscle memory.

Merilyn:

A cultural reflex. So old, so automatic, that nobody noticed it was a reflex. Not them and not me.

Merilyn:

I recently owned that I'm an Enneagram 8. A certain personality type. If you know the Enneagram, you're probably grinning right now because 8's are, well, we're protectors, we're challengers, we're the ones who charge, who lead, who don't back down.

Merilyn:

And that's true of me. I recognise that. Especially in environments where I'm comfortable, especially at home. (No wonder my dad called me bossy.)

Merilyn:

But what's also true, and what took me much longer to see, is that I've spent decades fawning.

Merilyn:

Usually, others who have this personality often go into a "fight" nervous system reaction. And we've all heard of freeze, flight, fight, but fawning, F-A-W-N-I-N-G, is the little sister of these fear responses. And it's not talked about as much or understood.

Merilyn:

So let me switch over to teacher mode for a moment. After that, I'll tell you why.

Merilyn:

Fawning is a deep-seated, often unconscious drive to feel safe. Fawning involves a complete abandonment, actually, of one's own needs, desires, and voice. Whereas, general "people pleasing" might not be that severe. Fawning can be a survival mechanism developed to deal with those sort of childhood things that happen, usually trauma or abuse. So fawning showed up as me preemptively trying to soften my personality. I wasn't always successful at that though.

Merilyn:

I would scan rooms before I entered them - I'd feel out the mood of things - in an attempt to control how safe I'd feel.

Merilyn:

And I would try and control, all subconscious, of course, how others perceived me.

Merilyn:

I would abandon my own needs to sort of sync with others and be hyper-vigilant to emotions and moods. A kind of social chameleon.

Merilyn:

But on the outside, I presented as incredibly self-reliant, resilient, capable, you know, the strong one, really hiding, subconsciously hiding, my deep need for love and connection.

Merilyn:

Behind that, oh, "I have everything under control kind of mask", I guess it is.

Merilyn:

Well, menopause and ADHD has ripped that mask off.

Merilyn:

Perhaps life was waiting for me to reach this age so I could see this and free myself to be who I fully was born to be.

Merilyn:

That's the teaching bit over. I shared it because it can be helpful to see our own patterns in hearing the stories of others.

Merilyn:

This episode isn't about trauma - it's about self-awareness. Awareness of where I've contained the fullness of myself. And just how timely and appropriate and welcome this Year of Fire is.

Merilyn:

It's not about healing.  I'm sharing for context.

Merilyn:

The specific shape of MY containment?

Merilyn:

Here's a few examples:

Merilyn:

I spent years asking the question ‘what shall I do when I grow up’, So clarity of vision. Clarity of purpose was impacted. I see now that I’ve always known, unconsciously, I just didn’t feel safe, or allowed, to claim it.

Merilyn:

Volume. I toned myself down to avoid criticism. Not just in the decibels, but what I would talk about. When I did speak up, or raise my voice, there would be repercussions. So it just didn’t feel safe. Visibility. That’s something many can all identify with. I sat in the back row even though I wanted to be the one on stage. I’ve struggled to relate to the usual conversations about (fear of) visibility because despite being shy, I learned - perhaps in my 20’s, 30’s - that I loved to literally speak on stage. To literally speak up, to teach, to share. So my visibility wasn’t about being scared to do that, but about the fact that I put myself in the back row.

Merilyn:

Money was impacted. I prioritised the needs of others to maintain safety, at the cost of my own financial foundation.

Merilyn:

Another example is relationships with men. Here I am publicly admitting.. I have attracted the wrong (for me) relationships that had all the wrong power dynamic. And yet, in terms of friendships with women, I have incredible, incredible women in my life. Very healthy, intelligent, warm, balanced friendships. And how many of us have spent time racing off trying to heal a relationship issue, or a money issue, or a visibility issue, or a clarity of purpose issue, when actually these were symptoms, not the cause. Here's the pattern I finally named… I could genuinely celebrate other people having, achieving, being, seeing, experiencing… I could cheer for them without any trace of resentment. None. While quietly, precisely, holding myself outside of that same permission.

Merilyn:

Not because I didn't want those things. Because somewhere I'd decided — without ever consciously deciding — that those things were available. Just not for me.

Merilyn:

That is my flavour of containment. It’s too easy to look for an external enemy. This isn’t about this. It’s a acknowledgement of my own inner enemy. As unconscious and innocent or naive as it might be.

Merilyn:

The other night I watched with the family that latest Jack Black movie - Anaconda. Hilarious. But there was a line that stuck out. Jack Black’s character is told by his boss (and Jack Black in this is a wanna-be movie director, or a movie director who has got old and never realised his dreams). And his boss says to him: "I’ll retire and you’ll be the boss of this place. And hey, this is a B, maybe even a B+ life we're talking about." He said like it was a gift. Like he should be relieved. To stop dreaming and wanting more out of life. Just accept a life that’s… a B. And what’s wrong with that.

Merilyn:

And I thought — despite everyone laughing around me - that's it. That's exactly what unconscious self-containment produces.

Merilyn:

Not suffering. Not a broken life. Just... a B, perhaps B+ life. Genuinely fine. Objectively pretty good. The kind of life where, if someone asked, you'd say — yeah, I can't complain.

Merilyn:

And yet the horror struck… somewhere along the way, without ever consciously agreeing to it - I'd signed up for my own B, B+ life.

Merilyn:

By the time I was in my forties, I didn't need anyone to turn down the dial. I was already doing it.

Merilyn:

Preemptively.

Merilyn:

A reflex. Before I walked into rooms, before I opened my mouth, before I sent the email.

Merilyn:

It was exhausting really.

Merilyn:

I think I shudder more that I was doing this unconsciously, that it was so stealth, is what gets me.

Merilyn:

And I guess what's worse is I was better at containing myself than any of those men... human situations... had ever been.

Merilyn:

The suppression I thought was coming from outside? I'd internalised it so completely, so efficiently, that I'd made it my own operating system.

Merilyn:

I never noticed I was the one holding the valve, the one in the driving seat, the one with the book of permission slips, the one governing the flow, the one with the matchbox in her hand.

Merilyn:

This isn't a wound that needs healing. It's a habit that I've interrupted. And that interruption culminates in this Year of Fire. Let's jump from micro to macro for a bit. The globe, the planet.

Merilyn:

Because the Year of Fire isn't just a personal one. Look at the world right now. The structures we thought were stable politically, economically, culturally are wobbling. They're wobbling in ways that don't feel like distant news on the tv anymore. It's close to home.

Merilyn:

In times of polarity like this, two types emerge. There are those who contract, who wait for certainty before they move, who manage themselves smaller because the world is unsafe and unpredictable.

Merilyn:

And then there are others who lead from compassionate fire rather than fear. And the world needs more of these self-aware, conscious fire carriers. People who've released any habit of self-containment, not louder arguments, but cleaner power. And that kind of leadership is what our world is hungry for.

Merilyn:

That's what a collective Year of Fire can produce, not to suffer through the chaos, but to be people who show up in that chaos. On purpose.

Merilyn:

The Year of Fire is therefore my line in the sand.

Merilyn:

Not a resolution or a rebrand or not even a new offer.

Merilyn:

This isn't about business or a launch runway, none of that. It's about becoming that second type of person who leads from fire, not fear, growing, growing in self-awareness, in consciousness, in compassion, that kind of a leadership.

Merilyn:

And that, for me, is a decision. A decision to no longer contain myself. To no longer live a life with an unlit fire.

Merilyn:

And that girl that wants to be smaller than she knows she can be, who reacts to fear a way she doesn't want to, who stands at the start of the runway, ready, coiled, and yet doesn't move? That version of her has served her purpose and she got me here.

Merilyn:

But she doesn't get to run 2026. If you're inspired to make 2026 your year of fire as well, what line will you draw in the sand? What will you leave behind that line and not bring with you?

Merilyn:

And what do we know about fire?

Merilyn:

Well, for one thing, it doesn't perform or persuade or negotiate. It just illuminates, lights up. And it does burn off everything in its way.

Merilyn:

And whilst I'm using Year of Fire in a context of lighting up or illuminating or letting the energy erupt or ignite - and I did say this wasn't about burning off - fire doesn't , by nature exist, without burning something.

Merilyn:

So what was in the way of my fullest light or my fullest life actually burns off, gone. It's not like gathering rubbish that you want to burn off and setting a match to it. I'm thinking more of those beautiful roaring fires we love to sit beside on a cold night. Fueled by logs - logs made of habits... smallness... containering.

Merilyn:

And that's what I mean by Year of Fire.

Merilyn:

Another metaphor, perhaps even stronger... After years of waiting and hovering around the starting blocks - this is the year where I hear "on your mark get set, go". And the starting gun fires. And the Year of Fire erupts.

Merilyn:

There were no false starts. Everything that came before was preparation, training, strengthening.

Merilyn:

Here's what I'm actually offering this year. And it's not what you think it is, because I've been in this work long enough and in this industry long enough to know what doesn't help.

Merilyn:

What doesn't help is another course - hello, AI. We don't need another carefully designed program that tells you who to become or what to do, or a six-step program to skyrocket to success . Yeah, you know. Excuse my cynicism.

Merilyn:

What I've watched change people - and sometimes I don't like that word change because it has a connotation that we are needing fixing - what I've seen gives people the impetus for healthy growth is proximity to someone whose fire is actually lit.

Merilyn:

Not being taught, not being coached, but watching.

Merilyn:

Think of instances where you've watched someone whose fire is lit from the inside and it's inspired you. I don't mean the people that you've looked at and you've compared yourself to.

Merilyn:

I'll use an example of the X-Factor, or Britains' Got Talent. It's probably why I love those shows. When you see someone who is a little bit ignorant of just how talented they are.

Merilyn:

I remember years ago, Leona Lewis, she has such a beautiful voice, but she had this presence around her that was completely unaware of just how good she was. I love seeing that.

Merilyn:

You can't unsee a lit fire. And so the most useful thing I can do for you in this year is to refuse to contain myself, to get regular on this podcast again, to let you watch what it looks like when someone stops holding the valve, especially at an age that is against every cultural message that says the interesting part is behind her. But please do not watch me as a performance, but to encourage you, to light you up.

Merilyn:

That's what I'm bringing into the Tall Poppy Society this year, both on this free podcast and in the private club.

Merilyn:

Both are now called the Tall Poppy Society.

Merilyn:

Just a little history for you. When this podcast started in 2020, it was called Lead Your Day. It was a name that just came out of the blue because everything back then was.. Lead Your World... Lead Your Mind... Lead Your Brand. "Lead Your" everything.

Merilyn:

Because it started as a daily podcast off the back of a Lead Your Year workshop. It was never going to keep that name. I knew that.

Merilyn:

Within a couple of years, it had reached top 10 in 11 countries. It was going along well.

Merilyn:

In 2022, I did a spectacular, it was amazing, loved it, 51 days in a row sprint of guests that I invited, inspired by the International Women's Day. It was an amazing, amazing sprint of podcast episodes.

Merilyn:

Then it kind of lost its way.

Merilyn:

More and more people asked to be guests, which was of course exciting and flattering and all of that. And I got to interview some incredible, incredible people. And every conversation I loved. But overall, it lost purpose and became, I hate to say it, a promotional outlet for others.

Merilyn:

And it got muddled in its positioning.

Merilyn:

Changing its name to The Merilyn Show didn't give it more clarity of purpose.

Merilyn:

So I kind of simply just pressed pause. Didn't stop it, just pressed pause until that would be figured out.

Merilyn:

And so this very episode is also serving to announce its new name, the Tall Poppy Society Podcast, which is the heart of my purpose, self-agency, the quiet power of self-leadership, being a tall poppy.

Merilyn:

And I want to have conversations with those who have mastered that internal landscape. Conversations that inspire us to keep our own fire lit. It's not about "let's rise". It's not that.

Merilyn:

I guess it's at the intersection of global impact, global heart and deep personal fulfillment.   Celebrating the beautiful, the extraordinary, a dive into lives and aspects of those who rise not to be seen, but it's a natural byproduct of unstoppable, creative, and a purpose-filled life. No ladders whatsoever.

Merilyn:

I was always inspired by a radio show in the 90s by one of the forerunner women in broadcasting in Australia, Margaret Throsby, who used to run a daily chat show, I guess conversation show, where she would bring on all sorts of people, not just musicians or conductors or people in the classical music realm. But it could be artists, it could be authors, it could be even politicians.

Merilyn:

And it was beautiful because she'd explore their lives and they would in turn share music that meant a lot to them and they'd play that music.

Merilyn:

I was very inspired by how she drew the stories from people, and that was the basis of how I always wanted to podcast.

Merilyn:

So a few years ago, when the Tall Poppy Society came to life as a subscription, as a membership, as a lifestyle, it was never to be a program to complete, never to be a course.

Merilyn:

It was a place to belong to, to support you, to cheer you on as you rise.

Merilyn:

And yeah, inside it is tools to help us do that.

Merilyn:

And it's a very cheeky middle finger to the tall poppy syndrome.

Merilyn:

The name Tall Poppy Society comes from something I find painful and beautiful.

Merilyn:

Tall Poppy Syndrome, which I just mentioned, if you live in Australia, New Zealand, Britain, you'll know it. It's part of our upbringing. Tall Poppy Syndrome is the cultural habit of cutting down anyone who rises, who reaches further, who dares to want more. Often impacts sports people or entertainment or actors or musicians and business people.

Merilyn:

It's long been dressed up as a virtue, a humility, a mateship. You don't want to rise above your mates. But real mateship does the opposite. Real mateship says, "if you rise, I rise with you".

Merilyn:

Another thing about poppies - the poppy flower, it grows in hard places, out of rubble, out of ground where battles were fought. That's why it's used as a symbol for remembrance days, when we remember our war heroes.

Merilyn:

Hardy and delicate at the same time.

Merilyn:

And instinctively, when one grows taller than the rest, reaches higher, gets more light, we notice. We don't look away.

Merilyn:

That's what I'm building, not syndrome - society.

Merilyn:

And this year I'm not keeping it a secret (and I think I have been).

Merilyn:

I'm growing it, but I'm also living it out loud. So you can see exactly what that looks like. Thirty years ago, something spoke through me and told me I had a schedule, a timeline.

Merilyn:

Back then I didn't know what it meant. Not really. It felt like a delay.

Merilyn:

Today I think I know what it meant.

Merilyn:

It wasn't a warning about how long it would take - it was a promise about what was co ming.

Merilyn:

The most important years, the most alive years, the years where the fire finally is uncontained, gets lit and gets to move.

Merilyn:

Does that mean everything I've done up until now is negated? Absolutely not.

Merilyn:

Is what I'm claiming preposterous? Maybe.

Merilyn:

But I'm done with B or B+

Merilyn:

And guess what?

Merilyn:

The fires lit by others in my life didn't burn me, didn't break me, didn't kill me. The hard things don't need to break you either. They forge us. They make us. And this is the year where we finally let them move.

Merilyn:

If this episode has struck deep with you, save it, share it, and especially follow this show, subscribe to this show, it helps spread the algorithm consciously to spread this message to more. Until the next episode... practice being not just just a tall poppy, but the tallest tall poppy that you can be.