306. ShowOff Project - Karen Stanton interviews Merilyn

The final episode in this special edition series is me!  One of the biggest requests I get is 'can someone interview you Merilyn?'. So we did it. 

The amazing Karen Stanton hosted the interview. I had no clue what the questions were, so it's a very candid chat. 

I truly hope hearing my 'wow' inspires and encourages you.

Background to The ShowOff Project:
As part of International Women's Day I've been showing off everyday women from every continent.  My hope was to bring insight, encouragement and inspiration at a difficult time on the planet.  And, most importantly, to help re-imagine what every day women leading their worlds looks like.   

Follow me on Instagram: @merilyn
Website: merilyn.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Show Off Project. I'm Marilyn, the host of the show. And guess what? This is number 50 of this special edition that we started way back in March and it's gone right through March and right through April. And today I'm the one being interviewed by Karen Stanton. Now you need to know, I did not know what her questions were. So these are off the cuff, very spontaneous answers. I hope you really enjoy it. Dive into a little bit more about who I am and what makes me tick. As a background to this show, if you've just joined this podcast, I've been showing off throughout March and April women, everyday women of all sorts from all over the world. Some I've known for years and years, others I've met on this podcast. And we're chatting about the power, the beauty, and sometimes the struggle of being a woman. We used International Women's Day as the spark of this project. And I really wanted to bring a little encouragement, inspiration, and sometimes a little bit of humour at a really tricky time on the planet. And most importantly, to help reimagine what women leading their worlds looks like. Keep listening and you'll hear all about me.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Awesome. Well, look, I am absolutely honored to be uh interviewing you or at least having a conversation with you, Marilyn, today. You and I go way, way back, and uh in fact, we've kind of lost touch over a few years, but uh we met at a very young stage. So uh it's my joy and privilege to be speaking with you today as a part of your podcast, which is kind of bizarre.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

But it's great. Very, very odd, but beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah, for sure. Now your podcast is like top 10 in like 11 countries, is is that right?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah, yeah. Uh probably not right now. Um, but the way the charts work is it does go in and out. But yes, I can claim that my podcast has been top 10, top 11 in uh about 10 countries, and I think I've lost track, but it's been in the top 30 and the top 100, like you know, on a monthly basis. So that's great. Absolutely and all over the world, like everywhere from England to uh uh Romania to you know just Barbados to New Zealand to Australia, Barbados. I think you might never Switzerland all over, all over.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Great. Well, look, I I'd love to understand a little bit about your journey and like why did you start this podcast? Like, where did this come from? What was the inspiration?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Oh, I love that. Okay, very funny because this week I returned to the roots of the inspiration, and it started with I guess. Well, can I give a bit of context? I was one of those kids that grew up and never well, I got to my teenage years and got to my adult years and never knew what I wanted to do when I grew up.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Did do any of us? I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

No, any of us. Oh, some people do. I always admire my friend who wanted to be a pilot or wanted to be a teacher or wanted to be a nurse, and I kind of never knew. But and I guess I think I now know that I just had a very eclectic bunch of um, and I don't know if we want this in the recording, but I had an eclectic bunch of, yeah, like yourself, of skills. And probably what I was going to do in life hadn't yet been invented. So online hadn't really even been invented. Anyway, to cut a long story short, what I do have are memories of sparks of oh, I like that, oh, I see that. And one of those sparks was what my teacher in fifth grade. Um that was an inspiration just to see him light up the class. And then another one was in my twenties. I started listening to ABC Classic in Australia. I love all sorts of music, but I love ABC Classic. And I came across this lady called Margaret Throsby, who had this hour show every workday, I think at midday, and it was called Midday with Margaret Throsby, and I was enthralled, and she would interview uh usually from the creative arts field, so it might be a a flautist or a composer or an artist or sometimes even politicians, authors, and they would very interesting um interviews around their life, but also they play pieces of music that that were selected by the guests. Really cool. Anyway, I I loved it and I just loved it, and I never made the connection, oh, I should perhaps go into radio. I just loved there was something about what she did, and I didn't even make the connection of one day I'm gonna do what you did, but I realized that that was the seed of the podcasting and her style. And interesting, this week I looked her up and I didn't realise she was so significant in Australian broadcasting for women. She was the first national news broadcaster as a woman. Really? She really broke through a lot of barriers. I think she's in her 80s now. Uh she broke through a lot of barriers for women in the area of broadcasting in Australia. And uh I ABC have got a series online at the moment of her best interviews. So I've been listening to them all week uh as I've been doing some work, and oh my gosh, I just could it it took me back. So, long story short, that was the original desire. Um that I could see that was my inspiration, and what I loved about it was the way she drew people out, and I guess that's why I love people like I mean I don't like chat shows, but I do like Graeme Norton. I just love um people that either use humour or intellect or just human interest to draw people out. So that's what was my inspiration. Then to finish that story off, that turned into a very long story. Uh great, it's fascinating to hear the journey you've been on. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you could see the seeds sown along the way. Uh and then when I discovered podcasts probably about 10 years ago, and I knew they were around, but they weren't that popular until really recently. And there are quite a few people. Yeah, so quite a people. I've been listening probably for about 10 years to different people, and I found that fascinating. As I walked a dog, I would listen to a podcast, and I just enjoyed the interviews that were done online there. And I said to myself, I'm gonna start a podcast. So for about six years I had that desire before I actually started, and I used to see it's been brewing. It's been brewing. I just didn't know what to talk about, and uh I actually had Wednesdays booked in my calendar for my podcast day. That would be the day I would do podcasts. Why Wednesday? For about I don't know, just random day. Uh and uh I picked it, I had it in my calendar for about two years before I actually started. So that became a seed, it came a desire, it became I'm gonna do this, and then a procrastinated thing, and then I started. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

And and so along this journey of of this podcast, I mean, what's been the what's been some of the highlights for you? What have you learned?

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Well, to be very selfish, it's given me clarity in my life because I've realized what I do and what I don't like with even more capacity. So for me, that podcast has been that for me. The highlights has been well, another personal highlight is realise I actually love it and I'm good at it. Like I people, yes. People say top 10 in 11 countries, I mean that's incredible. Well, people say I think the the comments I get most are that, oh my gosh, you make us feel so comfortable, and that you ask questions that no one has ever asked before. Those those are the things that really bless me because I really do try and tune into each person's soul as they talk, into their heart, and and and lead the the conversation from an inspired place, and I really do enjoy that. Um, and I just love um I'm I'm I'm an introvert, I'm not an extrovert, I'm naturally an introvert, so I recover by myself, definitely. I'm not the sort of person that will um I've always been shy. Um, so but despite all that's the rest of us, you could have fooled us. But despite that, I'm actually I love meeting the people, and it's it's really I just love hearing people's stories. Love, love, love hearing people's stories.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yeah, that's beautiful. There's an amazing quote um by let me let me get this right, Mary Tyler Moore, who says, You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things that have happened to you. So, so tell me, tell me a which I really love because so many of us have not had everything go perfectly well for us in our lives and have only have never had all wonderful things happen. Tell us a little bit about your journey and how that's impacted you and why you sit here today. All right, you got six hours. Yeah, maybe a couple, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

Um, so I think one of them, you know, if I paint my current picture, you could see some of it of what I'm going to. I am a single mum. Um, I've been single mum for 12 years. And uh that was quite traumatic. So I had a quite a traumatic divorce, being d deserted and you know, moved houses and then being deserted and then taken to court over control and just interesting things that are just nasty that I don't talk about hardly ever. I think if you go back in some of my podcast episodes, I do pepper a few of the the details. But um, yeah, I have every, you know, most people think, oh, you should be really uh bitter or and I'm not, I'm absolutely not. I'm close to my mother-in-law, she's one of my closest friends, I'm one of her closest friends, really worked hard to do that. But I think one of the biggest traumas has been my son who got diabetes, um, type 1 diabetes when he was two. And I had a phobia of needles, so it was Oh my gosh, it wasn't pretty, and diabetes is a funny disease, especially amongst toddlers who can't speak yet because they can't express what they're going through. And it's going on all the time. So, those of you who have diabetic mums, I get that it's people think they're normal, but there's just, and I guess any mum, any parents with a kid, a very young kid with a chronic disease like that, it's never goes away. It's always what's their blood sugar? So you always, it's not the needle so much, it's the monitoring of the blood sugars and everything. And so it's always in your mind, always, it never goes away. So there was that, and and it I didn't realise till about five years later that there was sort of the PTSD from that. And and a doctor sort of picked up and sort of said, How are you? And because you never get arrest. So I think years and years and years of my body's been pumping with cortisol um through that. Um one story was my husband actually left me for another woman on the day I on the very hour I got a call that my mum tried to take a life. Um wow. So uh, you know, mum had dementia and she wasn't, she was. I lived in England, she lived in Australia, so she felt you know there was no support around her, all sorts of things. That moment was probably one of the biggest impacting moments of my life. So that happened. I was also involved in a non-profit um organization that has been in the news a lot recently, that was quite um emotionally abusive as well, especially towards women. And so that there was a lot of um from that as well, but also I grew up as a um pastor's kid um who it turns out my my dad full circles come recently in the last months to come and live with us, and I'm his full-time carer. So I'm his eyes, I'm his I'm his eyes, I'm his ears. Um, and so it's uh there's a lot going on behind the scenes in Marilyn's world, but interestingly, dad we think may have uh Asperger's which explains my childhood. It's not un not been diagnosed, but it explains my entire childhood. Um and you know, being a pastor's kid, there's lots of pressure. It wasn't a fun experience, put it that way. Uh so there was, I had great times in childhood, but there was a lot of um there was a lot of stuff going down that is a little child who was quite shy, quite creative, quite sensitive. And I realized also recently, final thing, is I'm probably an empath, which those of you who know will know what that means. It's not that you just have our empathy, but you feel and you think other people's emotions. And I didn't realize that wasn't normal uh until very, very recently. So I've probably as a young child done that and taken on a lot around me that wasn't mine, but I took it on as mine, and I'm learning now to go, ah, I see what's happened there. So that's some of my journey.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

That's an incredible journey full of lots of non-wonder.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

That's the tragic bit because you asked for the tragic bits. You ask for the tough bits.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

For sure. And and yet you call yourself a wow maker. So how how does someone come from that space of of trauma, like a Phoenix rising almost and become a wow maker? What does a wow maker even actually mean for those of you?

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, wow, how is something I started through Instagram? It's uh I loved Instagram because I think it it I just spent hours when it started because I'm a photographer as well. So I spent hours and hours and hours on photography. And I realised that one of the common phrases you say when you see a nice this was the days before influencer, hashtag influencer and people posting their um, you know, their lunch. Um and when you see a nice photo, you go or a scene, and I love travel, love travel, love beauty, love aesthetics.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

You say wow. You say wow, don't you?

unknown 14:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

You do, you do, yeah. But I started going, wow, wow, and I realized that I knew the inherent strength of um gratitude, thankfulness, beauty, and I think I spent a lot of my time just I moved back from England to Australia by myself, single parent, and healed, nursed myself, and a lot of that was through beauty, and so I started calling it wow therapy. And I in Instagram I started a hashtag wow therapy, and people used to post beautiful photos, and I'd encourage people to go for a walk and take beautiful photos, and I'd feature people, so I guess I was even showing off then. So that's where the wow came from. So it kind of just sort of, you know, my branding background sort of likes to sort of tag onto things. So I just thought, wow, wow therapy, wow maker. I just gather wow, I collect wow, I encourage wow. And then when I started my online business about four years ago, the first course that I created was called What's Your Wow, which was a little course on discovering your calling, getting really clear about your next thing, your next phase, which was a very personal journey that I was on as well. So wow has become the sort of synonym or the metaphor for your thing. It could be also your beauty, it can be something that's good, that's pure, that's you know, uplifting. Yeah, that's where the wow comes from. And I just I'm always been quite inspirational and positive. Um to everybody listening. Always been the silver lining skill, but also in the context of a lot of pain as well.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Right, yeah. So, so based on that, you know, if if if there's people listening today, what what kind of an advice do you give people who are, you know, maybe have been through through some trauma, maybe they're trying to reinvent themselves, maybe they're trying to think about what's next for me. What what advice would you give them?

SPEAKER_00 16:44

I would say I don't the problem isn't the unanswered question of what I'm you know, often they'll say, I need clarity, I need clarity, I need clarity. I truly believe that we have our souls have that clarity. It's when you're at a at a really deep level, I would say get quiet and heal. Heal. Let your soul bubble up because it is deep down inside. We're absolutely magnificent creatures, and it's inside. And I spent a lot of years looking outside for that. When when I got in touch with my inspiration, my deep inner inspiration, let myself heal. The questions, the sorry, the answers to those questions, the clarity bubbles up naturally. And you have those aha moments, they come in spades, like they just what so I would say get still. Um some people would say get meditating or something like that. But look, meditating is just a um physiological state to get to to car to calm your nervous system. So whatever you need to do to learn how to calm your central nervous system, do that. There'll probably be some, whether that's meditation, whether that's walking in the morning, whether that's journeying, whether that's breathing, whether that yeah. So learn to listen to your emotions, learn to manage your nervous system and then let the inspiration bubble up. And now I know that's not a step-by-step process that you want, but that's and sounds pretty easy, but you know, the reality. It is a bit of a journey, but it it it's yeah, I just wake up, awaken. Like let your mind go. I think the best thing for me was to challenge the beliefs that I was raised with, not from a rebellion stance, because I was a good girl, I've always been a good girl, but almost break out of that good girl thinking and go, is that really true? Is there another way of looking at it? And you might come around full circle and believe that thing again, but you need to pull apart everything, everything and question it. Question it.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

So you also made a personal pact to stop living with your calling over your head. What what did you mean by that? What is that, what is what does that mean for for for us as well?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Okay, I think this is really um a recent thing. I know for years and years and years, uh I have been attracted to, fascinated by, drawn to uh the word leadership. And I don't know why, but because I wasn't raised like that. I wasn't exposed to that. I guess it was something in me. Um I can remember back in, it was about 1993 when a long time ago, when that John C. Maxwell book came out, Developing the Leader Within You. I could have eaten that book. I think I was given it for Christmas. And at the mo at that time I was a national learning and development manager uh here in Australia, and I was given the privilege of running a leadership development program, or at that time it was called Management Development Programme, um, for like a five-day programme. And I was just given free reign, and so I used that book to create this, and something sparked. I I could see, you know, I went from sitting in a chair to delivering to on my feet to, you know, people in tears of how great it was. That sparked something, and that was 30 years ago. Wow. And then I went in that journey of it was a seed, it was a no, not it was it was a thread through my life. But I could never see the last few years how it could be marketable, how it could be economic. And I knew it wasn't about corporate leadership because that makes my skin crawl, you know, the existing, you know, I I type in leadership development and you have beautiful websites of people in suits with navy blue branding. Um not even navy blue, navy blue is nice, it's that, you know, Facebook blue branding or something like that. It's that it's just it's not what I wanted. So for me, I'd been running from that thinking it's not marketable, it's not tangible, it's not, and so I've known I've been called to be that leader of leader for women and to and to encourage leadership within women. But I'd been running from it not even knowing. So I I've now just recently gone, oh, kind of step into it and start speaking about it. And this podcast has been kind of the unplanned, because it was spontaneous, kickoff of it.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

It's incredible that something so spontaneous can turn into some something so rich and something that's both rewarding for you, but also for the the audience who's who's listening. So it's been a it's been remarkable. So what's next for Marilyn?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Um Wow, what is next? I'm I'm stepping into In a process for myself of stepping up, and it's very interesting listening to a lot of the people that I've interviewed who are uh clients, so to speak, and uh they've said to me, one of the uh consistently without hearing the other interviews, you know, this is before them being published. We have loved seeing you uh each iteration of you, we've loved seeing you develop to evolve. And I'm like, oh gosh, I'm glad that you've seen it that way, and me not just being schizophrenic. Um, but it's um so for me, it is it is a personal thing of really believing that I've gotta just step into this with all my might and just forget the doubt, forget the the voices, the you know, the decades that women of thinking that women can't do this, right? Whatever that is. So it's fully, fully embodying that. Heck, look, I'm 56, who cares? I'm gonna, I'm just gonna do it. So there's that, but there's also um I want to work with leaders of leaders. I want to, you know, women who are influencers, shakers, and leaders. Well, I we are out there, but it's we are there's still a smallness, and I know that's a bit of a cliche, but there is still uh a lot of uh sta there's a lot of bigness still to step into on the inside, and I really feel there's a lot of global waking up, there's a lot of global shaking, shaking up of what's taking place, and if I can be a facilitator of women and bringing back that balance, and I'm not pro women, I love men as well, but I think it's stepping up with the feminine across both and having a balanced leadership. And I if I can encourage and facilitate and inspire that as a cheerleader on the side, that's what I want to do. So it means practically I'm relaunching my Leadure World program. Funny enough, I've had that name, you know, that's still part of leading. I will relaunch that. I'll really I want to do some retreats where we intensely I've got a um a 12 um what I call my wow intelligences. It's not been released yet. I have delivered it at a high-level retreat a few weekends ago, and people were crying. And I'm like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, this is it. This is I've pulled together basically my life's work into these 12. So yeah, it's it's kind of like my life's work pulled together in these 12 philosophies that are I'm calling intelligences that are a different way to lead. It's a different way. So that will be the basis of my leadership development program. So I would like to actually go and run that and work with leaders to create masterminds, to work with leaders to create retreats, corporate training programs to really, because it throws out all existing leadership development models, and it's a fresh 12-part that is right now for what the planet needs right now. And I'm so I'm excited to get that out. Um, I have to finish my book, so I've got a few books in the wings, got to get those finished. Um, I'm probably going to change the name of this podcast to show off. Um yeah, so yeah, we've got some law, got some products to launch, got some books to write, and and I'll still be putting eye drops in my dad's eyes twice a day.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Keeping busy and and you know, not not that you have not enough to do already, right? So so how so how does Marilyn like you you you come along this this this journey, you've got all of these plans, you seemingly do uh host these podcasts with such ease that that that we're all looking on in envy. How do you feed yourself? How do you keep inspiration going?

SPEAKER_00 25:48

Coffee, okay. Lots of black coffee. How do I keep the inspiration going? Um, it's interesting. I was talking to someone in a coaching context just yesterday. I was they do some coaching, contract coaching as well. And she was saying how I feel, she said, I feel really overwhelmed at the moment. Like when you've got so many big projects that you've got to do, and they're all important.

unknown 26:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

What do I do first? And she was wanting the well, you know, 9 a.m. you you structure your time or you do time blocking or you do something like that, which I gave her. But then I said to her, What's changed recently? And she started tearing up. And I reali I realized, isn't it interesting that when we are on point, on calling, not out of an unmet need, but out of a true inspiration, you have energy to burn. You can stay up till like the other night I was up till 3:30 in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

I never do that. It wasn't with a crying baby, it wasn't with a and I was not tired. I I slept well, I slept in a little bit later, and I don't normally do that. I'm I'm an early to bed person, but it's interesting that when you have when you're in touch with that calling, I say calling, but that sounds like it's outside. I I'm calling calling from the inside, your wow. When you're in touch with your well and you're operating from that, you have your energy. And I know last year I discovered I've got um sleep apnea. And I, yes, I sleep with one of those ugly machines. But isn't it interesting that I got to the point yesterday, last year, where I couldn't work because I was not operating out of inspiration. What does um breathing mean? What's sleep apnea means? It means to inspire. So I had lost my inspiration. So physically my body was representing what my soul journey was missing. And so I took, I nearly went broke last year, um, not launching, not doing much because I needed to get back. And for me, I was going down this business training program, and I'm like, yeah, that's part of it. I like working with business women, but I don't want to teach business and marketing, even though I can do it. It's the leadership, it's just you know, for women to step up. So uh yeah, to get back to answer that question, um it's recognizing when I'm off that path. Because when I'm off that path, my energy goes. And so it's sometimes it takes a while to get back to that place. So that when I'm in that place, I have energy to burn, and usually that's great. But the other thing is you sleep, literally get good sleep. It's an it's an underrated skill. Absolutely sleep, and lots before, much to my my son's um, he he disagrees profusely. Don't all don't all teenagers Yeah, the hours before midnight do matter. So sleep, yeah, exercise, people, all the things we know we should do. All those things. I don't say I I don't I'm not a vegan, I'm not even a vegetarian, although I love vegetarian food. I would love to, but I'm not a chef. So I tend to I'm terrible, I don't do a lot of cooking, but I could do a lot more in that area. If someone wants to move in with me and be my vegetarian vegan chef, go ahead. Um, but yeah, I I yeah, I listen in. I do have a morning routine where I sit and meditate and not every day, but I write out my goals, I get in touch with my goals, um, and I'm very in tune with what's going on inside and of course, of course, correct very quickly. So I think that keeps my energy up. Also fun. Like I have a spontaneous creative kid who, you know, when the right song comes on, you'll we dance around the lounge room with the dog. So I and I do lots of spontaneous things like let's cancel all my um appointments for today. Well, lucky you didn't cancel this one. And go to the movies. So um, yeah, that's what I do, and creativity. I I die without creativity, and I have to have aesthetics, I have to be beautiful around me.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

So knowing who you are and knowing where you're going and and knowing what you're good at, these are these are the things that that uh that inspire you and keep you going every day.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

It's well, you know, I truly believe in that. Um, that you know, we come from that background. Without a vision, we perish. It is so I believe in that when we have that, whether even if it's just a knowledge that I was born to be mum, you know, having that desire, not and that's not a just, I'm not saying that. I have friends who that is their calling in life, they know it. And that fuels them. It's like having that certainty of I'm on path. You may not have all the details or the or the hows, or the especially the hows, you may not know how it's going to happen. But if you're in touch with your why and you're I I know it's frustrating to hear people say that, but it's so true. When you're in touch with your course as a human and you have something that's bigger than you that you're living for, even if it's just to be a single parent and make sure that your kid doesn't grow up and repeat generational messes, that's what gives you your energy. It's absolutely it's it's the it's the staying in victim thoughts or staying in unconsciousness that is the most frustrating for me. And that drains you.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

Yeah, incredible. Well, Marilyn, it has been amazing to uh and and a wow experience for me to interview.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Show you all. I mean, the wow's a little bit cheesy and a little bit corny, and uh I I almost got rid of it, but people go, no, keep it. Oh, by the way, too, I don't know if you know, but actually turned it into a personality profile um tool because I've been to I have been you know certified in most of the personality profiles, but they weren't quite cutting it when it came to women leaders and women trying to find their their calling or get very certain. So it's called the wow archetype. So how's that for cheese?

SPEAKER_01 32:02

Love it, absolutely love it. It's been an incredible uh time to show you off, Marilyn. And uh I'm I'm I'm hoping, well, I know that there's been some incredible nuggets of wisdom, and uh it's been an amazing session. So thank you very much. And um look forward to seeing all of your new projects, reading your book and participating in everything that has coming our way.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Well, thank you, Karen. This has been a pleasure.